This month marks the one year anniversary of me finding out I was pregnant. It is hard to believe a whole year has passed from when I found out that I was going to be a mommy!
In August 2012, 8 months after getting engaged, Matt and I discovered I was pregnant with our first child. To say this would be a huge surprise would be the understatement of the century! Matt and I went out to eat dinner together the day after I returned from visiting my friend, Brittney, in Flagstaff, AZ. I got my favorite Thai Food and Matt got some New York Style Pizza. While eating our dinner, Matt was alarmed when I ravenously insisted on eating his pizza. Without missing a beat, Matt said, "I think you're pregnant!". I totally laughed this off and told him that I felt fine and there was NO WAY I was pregnant. I mean, come on, we've all had those moments where we are SURE that we are pregnant (only to find out we are not). The thought of being pregnant didn't even cross my mind at this time. I thought he was nuts.
To humor him, when we returned home from eating, I took a home pregnancy test. I set the test down on the counter, results side up, and waited as it developed. Once again, I told him he was crazy and that I was NOT pregnant. Within a minute, the test results popped up on the screen. I picked up the test and stared at it in shock and confusion. It said "Pregnant" clear as day right on the screen, but I was still looking for the "Not" (as in "Not Pregnant").
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| Because sometimes you just need to see it twice to believe it! lol! |
In disbelief, I started laughing hysterically, and took another test. Sure enough, it came up "Pregnant" too. After seeing that second positive pregnancy test, I got totally freaked out and started to cry hysterically. I was totally afraid and so shocked this was happening. Matt was amazing and so sweet. He told me everything was going to be fine and that he loved me so very much.
I was in shock for the better part of my first trimester. I still couldn't believe I was pregnant and I was still sorting out how I felt about everything. Matt and I had always planned on having children, but AFTER we had gotten married. It's not that I didn't want children, it was just so very unexpected. We weren't even married yet! How were we going to afford a baby? And we just signed a lease on a 1 bedroom apartment for heaven's sake (Where was the nursery supposed to go?)!
Many women dream of being a mommy since they are very young. That wasn't me. I had only recently wrapped my mind around the idea of starting a family. I never expected to be starting that family without any preparation You see, I'm a researcher and a planner. I felt so unprepared! I didn't know a THING about babies. I was worried I would have NO CLUE what to do as a mommy. Obviously, everything worked out just fine. I love Evelyn with all my heart and I ADORE being a mommy. Evelyn may have been a huge surprise, but she certainly was NOT a mistake!
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| Evelyn the little "shrimp" at 8 week |
I still remember the first time Matt and I heard Evelyn's heartbeat at the doctor's office. The ultrasound tech had Jason Mraz's song "I Won't Give Up" on the radio in the background and I remember thinking how fitting the words were for that moment. This song will always be special to me. It will always be the special song that reminds me of the start of my family. I knew in that moment that I WOULDN'T give up. I knew that whatever life threw at us, we'd get through it together...... as a family.
When I look into your eyes
It's like watching the night sky
Or a beautiful sunrise
Well, there's so much they hold
And just like them old stars
I see that you've come so far
To be right where you are
How old is your soul?
Well, I won't give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I'm giving you all my love
I'm still looking up
And when you're needing your space
To do some navigating
I'll be here patiently waiting
To see what you find
'Cause even the stars they burn
Some even fall to the earth
We've got a lot to learn
God knows we're worth it
No, I won't give up
I don't wanna be someone who walks away so easily
I'm here to stay and make the difference that I can make
Our differences they do a lot to teach us how to use
The tools and gifts we got, yeah, we got a lot at stake
And in the end, you're still my friend at least we did intend
For us to work we didn't break, we didn't burn
We had to learn how to bend without the world caving in
I had to learn what I've got, and what I'm not, and who I am
I won't give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I'm giving you all my love
I'm still looking up, still looking up.
Well, I won't give up on us (no I'm not giving up)
God knows I'm tough enough (I am tough, I am loved)
We've got a lot to learn (we're alive, we are loved)
God knows we're worth it (and we're worth it)
I won't give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I'm giving you all my love
I'm still looking up
Lots of Love,
Giuli
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